I can text with my tongue
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
