My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
