im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
