My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's blow job season.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
