Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
