So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
