3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I intend to get homeless drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
