i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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