I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
