some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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