Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
