i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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