I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
