Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
