some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
