Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
