conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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