i just had sex bonerless
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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