I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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