in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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