I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
