thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
