college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm both gender and math confused
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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