i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
