Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
