your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
