I bet he comes in French.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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