I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
