Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
