i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
