Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
