Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
