My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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