can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
