It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
