I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We are all done wearing pants today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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