thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
