I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
