So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
