No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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