Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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