Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a hot homeless man
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
