Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
