you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
