so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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