Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
