I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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