You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
