I can text with my tongue
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
