Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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