i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
