But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
